


Capable of Love

by TanoshiiSnufkin (MissRemilia)



Category: Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Moominmamma is there to help, Pining, Romance, Snufkin is overwhelmed, Springdove, it's mostly Snufkin and Moominmamma, snufmin, though Moomin isn't in it much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-06-27 09:45:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19788322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissRemilia/pseuds/TanoshiiSnufkin
Summary: Overcome with the realization of his feelings for his best friend, Snufkin finds himself questioning whether he has a right to love and be loved.





	Capable of Love

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction I've posted in years! I'm pretty new to the Moomin fandom, so I apologize if this is OOC, I tried my best  
> I love Snufmin and hope to write more fanfics with them, this was just the first one I thought of, cause I adore the motherly relationship Moominmamma has with Snufkin and wanted to explore how that would play into Snufkin's feelings for Moomintroll.  
> I'd love to hear what you think!

Love.

The whole concept was frightening and overwhelming for Snufkin. All his life he had been convinced that love was something he would never experience. Surely, a vagabond like him was not fit for such things. Nobody could ever love someone like him. He needed to travel, he needed to be alone. He didn’t need anyone, didn’t want anyone in his life. He didn’t want to love, and he didn’t want to be loved. Such a thing would only hold him back. At least, that’s what he had always told himself. And for as long as he could remember, that had been his way of life.

That is, until he met Moomin.

When he had met Moomin, he hadn’t thought much of it. He figured he would simply be another face he met along his journeys, fated to become a distant memory just as all others he met were. He had never been so wrong in his life. After their little adventure with the comet, Snufkin found himself strangely drawn to his new companion. It shocked even Snufkin when he found himself returning to the valley the next spring, as if something was pulling him there. Snufkin had brushed it off, simply assuming he was curious about the young moomin. It must have been the desire for adventure pulling him back to the valley.

But as the years went by, it became more and more clear to Snufkin that adventure had nothing to do with his yearly return to the valley. No, it was his heart that was pulling him back each year. And more terrifying still, his heart wasn’t pulling him back to the valley itself. No, it was pulling him back to Moomin. The realization frightened him more than anything. His dear friend had done what Snufkin believed to be impossible: he had broken down the young mumrik’s walls and made him feel the one thing he had believed he wasn’t capable of: love. And now these feelings were eating him up, and more than ever he desperately felt the need to talk to someone.

Snufkin had found himself avoiding his dear friend, unable to handle the way his heart sped up when they were together. Unable to handle the guilt he felt at his desire to hold the other’s paws.

He had thought that maybe staying away for a while would help, that distance would help his feelings go back to normal. But they didn’t, in fact they seemed to only grow stronger with each passing day. Lately it almost seemed as if he could no longer suppress his feelings when around the other boy. And that scared him more than anything. He feared that in his current state he would slip up and reveal his feelings, permanently spoiling their friendship. Or worse, Moomin would return his feelings, which would ultimately lead to Snufkin breaking his beloved’s heart. Surely someone like him is not fit to love, he would never be able to give Moomin the love that someone as wonderful as him deserves.

But who could he possibly talk to about this? The first person he would usually consult would be Moomin himself, but he was certainly not an option this time. Moomin would always go to his parents for advice, but Snufkin couldn’t really do that. Although he, the Joxter, and the Mymble had made some progress getting to know each other, he still didn’t feel that they were close enough yet for these kinds of discussions. And anyways, he certainly wouldn’t be able to find the Joxter, and the Mymble would be too busy to help. He thought to his friends, but decided against that as well. He loved his friends dearly, but they weren’t the best at keeping secrets.

As he found himself walking out of the woods, the Moominhouse came into view and his mind wandered to his dear friend’s parents. They were the best option for him to talk to. They were much more prominent in his life than his own parents had been, and surely with their wisdom they would know what to do. But how was he supposed to talk to them about this? It wasn’t that he didn’t trust them, he would easily trust the Moomin family with his life, and he had talked to them on occasion before about his concerns. But how could he talk to them about his feelings for their son? There was no way he could do that, no way way he could risk them finding out. What if they detest him for it? What if they decided they wanted nothing to do with him anymore and banned him from interacting with their family ever again? How could he handle that, when truly they were the closest thing he had to family?

Despite these fears, it seemed his feet had a mind of their own. Before he knew it he was standing in front of the door to the Moominhouse, paw ready to knock, but he just couldn’t find it in himself to go through with it. Just when he was about to give up and walk away, a voice sounded from behind him, making him jump slightly, though he tried his best to play it off.

“Oh hello Snufkin, what brings you here?” Moominmamma smiled at him, carrying what he assumed were preserves that had been stored in the cellar. “Moomin isn’t here I’m afraid, but do feel free to come in” she opened the door for him, and he found himself following her inside without really thinking, muttering a quiet thank you as he stepped in the door.

“The boys are out fishing today, a father son bonding day they said. I’m not sure when they will be back, but please make yourself at home”

“Oh that’s quite all right. Actually I….” Snufkin fumbled with his scarf nervously, unsure how to approach this. What is he supposed to say? That he needs to talk about his emotions? This felt so odd and unnatural for him.

Luckily, as always, Mamma seemed to understand without him even saying it. “Why don’t you come help me in the kitchen, dear? I could use a hand making dinner. The boys promised to bring back a feast after all.”

“I’d be happy to help” Snufkin assured as he followed her into the kitchen.

The two worked in a companionable silence for a while, Mamma preparing dough and Snufkin cutting up vegetables for a soup. It was nice, helping to calm Snufkin’s nerves for a brief moment. But eventually his thoughts began to wander once again, bringing him back to his current dilemma. Suddenly it was very hard to focus on the work at hand. He felt as if he was going to burst. He needed to talk to someone, and Moominmamma’s calm motherly aura was quickly wearing him down.

“Moominmamma?” Snufkin found himself calling out before he could even fully register what he was doing. When he heard her respond with a small inquisitive hum, he continued, “What does one do when they love someone they know they shouldn’t be with?”

“My, that’s quite a question. What do you mean they shouldn’t be with them?” she hummed, not looking up from her work. Snufkin found he was grateful for this, he didn’t think he could handle her gaze at the moment.

“I mean….well…. say one person is in love with someone really wonderful, the kind of person that deserves all the happiness in the world. But they know they could never bring that person the happiness they deserve. And….And even though they know that, they can’t seem to stop themselves from loving that person. What are they supposed to do?” No longer paying attention to the vegetables he was chopping, and his paws found themselves nervously twisting his scarf.

As he spoke his words began to spill out fast and clumsily, which didn’t go unnoticed by Moominmamma. Putting down the dough she was kneading and wiping her paws on her apron, she turned towards the boy. “What makes this person think that they won’t be able to make their loved one happy? Surely someone who cares that much would do whatever they could to make their loved one happy.”

“But how can someone like me ever make him happy? All I ever do is distress him, either by leaving or isolating myself. And no matter how much it pains me to hurt him so, I know I can’t change my nature. How can I ever make Moomin happy when I’m like this?” Snufkin felt his voice crack, and by Groke, was he crying?

When was the last time he cried like this? When the ocean had vanished? Sure he had shed a tear or two when he got a particularly bad injury, but Snufkin was never one to cry. It felt too vulnerable, like leaving his soul exposed. And yet here he was, weeping in front of Moominmamma like a small child. Something in him broke, as if his entire being had been holding on by a single thread that finally gave out, and he felt himself crumple to his knees.

“Oh Snufkin, dear…” Moominmamma knelt next to the weeping young man and enveloped him into a hug. Snufkin was never one for physical contact, and Mamma knew this, but it was as if she knew that in this moment it was what he needed most.

“I’m sorry, you must hate me” he choked out between his sobs.

“Now why would I ever hate you, dear?” Moominmamma pulled away gently to look at him.

“Because I’m in love with your son” he wept, unable to look the woman in the eyes.

“Why would I ever hate you for that? It brings me great joy to hear you say that.”

At this, Snufkin turned to look at her, his eyes wide in confusion, searching her face as if for a sign that she was joking.

Moominmamma simply smiled at him. “I’m delighted to know that my son is loved and cherished by someone as kind and genuine as you. As his mother, nothing could make me happier than knowing his heart is in such safe paws.”

Snufkin could feel his face contort as the sobs begin once again, but this time they were sobs of relief and gratitude. She didn’t hate him, she wasn’t going to ask him to leave and never come back. He didn’t lose the only family he had ever known. Not only that, but she said she was happy that he loved Moomin? Unsure what to do with the sudden warmth building up in his chest, he buried his face in her fur.

“Snufkin dear, you are an important part of this family, regardless of what role in the family you may take.” She rubbed reassuring circles on his back as she spoke. “You are always welcome here, we all love you very dearly.”

This admission only made the tears flow harder. She said it with such strong conviction, leaving no room for doubt. He was loved,  _ the Moomin family loved him _ . He felt a pleasant warm fill his chest as he repeated those words in his mind, and he felt a smile start to form on his face.

Slowly but surely, as his tears slowed to a stop, Moominmamma helped him up into one of the chairs in the dining room and made him a cup of tea.

Once she was sure he had regained his composure, Moominmamma set her own cup of tea down and looked at the young man with a serious but kind look in her eyes that only Moominmamma could pull off. “You seem to underestimate yourself quite a bit, dear.”

Placing his own cup down gently, Snufkin stared at her curiously. “What do you mean, Mamma?”

“You said before that you were afraid you could never make Moomin happy, that you felt you only ever brought him pain. But you couldn’t be more wrong. You bring my dear Moomintroll so much happiness with your friendship alone. Of course parting is never easy, but there are many things you encounter as a couple that aren’t easy. But you go through them together, and with a strong relationship you should be able to overcome those hardships.”

Snufkin traced the outline of his teacup with his finger as he thought. “But, how could something like that ever work between him and I? I can’t very well give him a loving home like Moominhouse if I leave every winter, and I can’t change my need to travel either…”

“And he would never expect you to, my dear. He understands your needs, and he would never expect you to change yourself. And as for building a home together like Moominhouse, well, any life you build together won’t be exactly like Moominhouse, that’s a given. No two relationships are ever the same, and there are no set rules or standards as to how your relationship has to look. Moominhouse is a physical representation of the relationship that Moominpappa and I have, it’s unique to us to fit our needs. Any life you might build with Moomin would be unique to the two of you. You can’t judge its success by comparing it to someone else’s relationship.”

“But isn’t that the kind of future Moomintroll wants? One like yours and Pappa’s?” Snufkin looked up at her, distress clear in his eyes.

“Now, that isn’t something we could really know without asking him, is it?” Mamma smiled at him. “You mustn’t make assumptions about what others want, Snufkin. With concerns like that, it’s better to ask him directly.”

“Oh…” Snufkin averted his gaze from her, suddenly embarrassed that he had so quickly jumped to conclusions. “You’re right. I’m sorry, I hadn’t thought of that.”

Mamma simply chucked and shook her head. “It’s easy to overlook such things when you’re wound up. That’s why discussing your feelings is so important.”

“Yes, you’re right. I suppose that means I’ll have to talk to Moomintroll about… all of this.” Snufkin clenched his paws in an attempt to get them to stop shaking. Talking to Moomin about his feelings for him? The thought terrified him.

Moominmamma could easily sense his nervousness. “Yes, I’m afraid that’s unavoidable. I know sharing things like that can be frightening and difficult, but it’s important for any healthy relationship, romantic or not. But,” she reached over and placed her paw over his in comfort. “You can choose to do so whenever you feel is right, there’s no rush. It’s always worth it in the end, I promise.”

“Thank you Mamma… for everything” Snufkin smiled up at the woman.

“Anytime dear, you know our door is always open, and I’m always here to talk if you need it” As she began to grab their tea cups to go take them back to the kitchen, she gave him a quick smile and added “and I do think you two would be perfect for each other, you’ve always been so close” before walking off into the kitchen.

Snufkin felt his face quickly heat up, and right at that moment the door to Moominhouse swung open and none other than Moomin and Moominpappa noisily walked into the house after a long day fishing, clearly mid conversation.

Snufkin quickly grabbed his hat from beside him and pulled it down to hide his face, but not before Moomin had already seen the red tint in his cheeks.

“Oh Snufkin! I didn’t expect to see you here! Whatever’s wrong? Your face looks quite red” Moomin sat down his fishing rod and buckets and approached his friend in concern.

Snufkin quickly forced himself to regain his composure, though he kept his hat down as he was sure his face was still beet red. “Oh nothing’s wrong, my dear friend, Moominmamma and I were just having a pleasant cup of tea. It has been so long since we’ve caught up with each other, after all.”

“Oh that sounds wonderful! Thank you for keeping Mamma company while we were gone, my dear boy” Moominpappa beamed as he pat the young man on the back and went to find his wife in the kitchen.

Snufkin cleared his throat and turned his attention back to his companion. “Mamma told me that the two of you were out fishing, how did it go?”

“It was wonderful, we caught a lot of fish! Oh you must stay for dinner tonight, it will surely be a feast!”

“That sounds wonderful, I’d love to."

“Oh I’m so glad!” Moomin jumped happily and grabbed his friend’s paws in excitement. “I must tell you all about the adventure we had today, come on!”

As Snufkin was led by the paw to their usual spot on the bridge, he felt as if a large weight had been removed from his shoulders.

Yes, perhaps it was ok for even someone like him to fall in love.

**Author's Note:**

> Also note this isn't beta-read, so I'm sorry if there's any errors. Feel free to tell me if there are


End file.
